Loyalty resounds, loyalty remains
To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul. O my God, I trust in You; Let me not be ashamed; let not my enemies triumph over me. Indeed, let no one who waits on You be ashamed; Let those be ashamed who deal treacherously without cause. Psalm 25:1-3 (NKJV)
God will never take us into deep water to drown us, but to develop us.
~Ken Nichols.
The first sign of opposition came while I was sitting in a booth at the Dairy Barn, when I told others I was not feeling myself. It wasn’t until later that I learned a menacing evil spirit had harassed me, mainly when I was out of the house in public settings. I did not bow, and no sin was conceived, unless questioning God’s justice itself is considered a sin.
Before we go any further, let me be clear: this is not written for those who have already decided on a conclusion, are searching for fault, or are committed to a false narrative that does not align with the truth. I am not interested in engaging with assumptions or gossip. I am offering the humble facts of the account with confidence and without apology.
I am assured today that I will receive a crown of life. I felt God’s covering in a tangible way, as if a glass dome were over my head, knowing the evil would not be allowed to enter. Though others may not have seen it, I knew what surrounded me was evil and forceful, and I was aware of how it appeared outwardly. The menacing spirit was attempting a hostile takeover. I had resolved, no matter what, not to bow.
The trial challenged many of my beliefs and led to ongoing, committed conversations with the Lord about how this might be occurring. Coming from the ’90s decade when deliverance was prominent, I relied on my experiences to gauge the highly unusual attack. Yet the old model proved ineffective. I stood in all the armor I knew to stand in and remained faithful to the Lord.
The intensity of the battle was not without pain, tears, and weariness.
The Lord was keenly aware of this truth. When I inquired of Him, He would state, But you and I know the truth. This was especially important to my soul, as He would reply, I know the truth about you; that’s what matters. Rest in the fact that your Lord knows and sees correctly.
Sometimes, in testing, God strips our resources so we have only Him to rely on.
I did not understand what was happening, and I’m uncertain I fully do now that I’m on the other side of it. It was an external attack, yet it also revealed an internal weakness to the accuser’s voice, intimidation, a sense of unease, and fear. The Lord was developing and strengthening in me the capacity to rely on, depend on, and lean on Him. To be found in Christ and Christ alone.
I slay giants with the Word of the Lord and the Sword of the Spirit.
In Luke 4, Jesus was tempted by Satan before He was released to His assigned purpose, the one the Father willed. Jesus’ mind and faith were focused on the Word. In essence, this reveals that Jesus became tethered to the call and will of His life. It was a preparation of sorts, with His life, mind, will, and emotions fully committed to the Father, united as one, overcoming Satan’s attack.
It was a confusing time, and the warfare was deeply distressing. I didn’t expect others to grasp my trial, knowing their own presumptions of humanity limited them. Equally, I’m not sure what I would have thought if someone had attempted to explain a situation they themselves were waiting on the Lord to explain. I suppose I would have to assume that, in part, it was a defense.
The Lord clearly instructed me not to defend myself. At the time, such an explanation would have kept me bound to the voices of my accusers. I understand why people choose to distance themselves. Given the circumstances, I, too, once separated myself from others, not wanting to associate with a perceived sin.
I do not blame anyone, though it gives a clear view of who is for me and the depth of their concern. I offered prayers for those who stepped back, spread gossip, monitored, and displayed malice, attempting to come against the assignment in Christ.
Yvonne, a dear friend and intercessor, confirmed a time when a meeting was to be held in the house. She phoned at a timely moment after I whispered a prayer to the Father, stating she was interceding at that moment and felt compelled to call. I mentioned a term, calling it a menacing spirit, and she agreed. I have never heard that term used before. The Holy Spirit confirmed this by the testimony of two witnesses. Since then, Yvonne has also undergone severe warfare of her own and likewise testified that the past deliverance method was ineffective in the new era of evil, but thanks be to God, who causes us to triumph in Christ Jesus.
Our confidence comes from knowing that Christ cares and that His presence and purposes are far greater and more mysterious than we can imagine. Although I asked why? many times and when will it stop? I asked the Lord to teach me to pray through this and to show me what was going on.
The assignment was broken when I received this passage: As I read it out loud, praying it like shooting an arrow and hitting the target, I knew the anointing was on the Word of the Lord, and the assignment was over (yet the lies lingered).
At my first defense, no one stood with me, but all forsook me. May it not be charged against them. But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me, so that the message might be preached fully through me, and that all the Gentiles might hear. Also, I was delivered out of the mouth of the lion. And the Lord will deliver me from every evil work and preserve me for His heavenly kingdom. To Him be glory forever and ever. Amen. 2 Timothy 4:16-18 (NKJV)
Perspective: little by little, after the fact, He was revealing himself.
- God saw something in Gideon that Gideon didn’t see: a new identity. The angel called him a “mighty warrior.” Gideon’s task was to believe God’s perspective instead of his own. The angel asked Gideon to trust in God’s goodness and power, and God is asking us to trust Him in the same way (Judges 6:11).
- David, the young boy with a sling and a stone, approached Goliath. The giant didn’t see it coming, nor did those closest to him, but God supplied the victory (1 Samuel 17: 45-51).
- Trust God’s perspective by faith.
Deborah Somjak 